Friday, January 18, 2013


There are many "firsts" in life. You know, the "first time" you do/say/experience something. Some are good and some are not.

My life is filled with many firsts.

My first time driving (thanks, Dad!).

My first job.

My first crush.

My first love.

Now, I share many firsts with my first love. Together, we make it through the hard times as well as the good times.

Our first baby girl, now in heaven.

Our first Christmas.

Our first son.

Our first experience with empty arms and an empty crib.

Our first time holding Henry.

Henry's first bath.

Henry's first Christmas.

And now, for the first time, Henry is sick. It's the first time I have cared for a sick baby since Avery was so ill. It's scary. But I know how to get through it.

One step at a time.

I can only think about the next step. Two steps ahead is too much.

I only have the strength to go one step at a time.

But God is good. He gives strength as needed.

He never fails.

He won't let me down.

I know, because I have taken that first step.


  1. I had a lot of firsts last year. Many I didn't like at all. But some good ones as well!

    Praying for Henry! Tell him I love him.

    ~ Jemmie

  2. You are so present in life, Audra. I love your blog, your life, your spirit... I am reminded of part of one of my favorite poems...this isn't the whole thing...

    The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

    It doesn’t interest me
    what you do for a living.
    I want to know
    what you ache for
    and if you dare to dream
    of meeting your heart’s longing.

    It doesn’t interest me
    how old you are.
    I want to know
    if you will risk
    looking like a fool
    for love
    for your dream
    for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn’t interest me
    what planets are
    squaring your moon...
    I want to know
    if you have touched
    the centre of your own sorrow
    if you have been opened
    by life’s betrayals
    or have become shrivelled and closed
    from fear of further pain.

    I want to know
    if you can sit with pain
    mine or your own
    without moving to hide it
    or fade it
    or fix it.

    I want to know
    if you can be with joy
    mine or your own
    if you can dance with wildness
    and let the ecstasy fill you
    to the tips of your fingers and toes
    without cautioning us
    to be careful
    to be realistic
    to remember the limitations
    of being human.

    It doesn’t interest me
    if the story you are telling me
    is true.
    I want to know if you can
    disappoint another
    to be true to yourself.
    If you can bear
    the accusation of betrayal
    and not betray your own soul.

    I want to know if you can see Beauty
    even when it is not pretty
    every day.
    And if you can source your own life
    from its presence.

    I want to know
    if you can live with failure
    yours and mine
    and still stand at the edge of the lake
    and shout to the silver of the full moon,

    It doesn’t interest me
    to know where you live
    or how much money you have.
    I want to know if you can get up
    after the night of grief and despair
    weary and bruised to the bone
    and do what needs to be done
    to feed the children.

    It doesn’t interest me
    who you know
    or how you came to be here.
    I want to know if you will stand
    in the centre of the fire
    with me
    and not shrink back.

    It doesn’t interest me
    where or what or with whom
    you have studied.
    I want to know
    what sustains you
    from the inside
    when all else falls away.

    I want to know
    if you can be alone
    with yourself
    and if you truly like
    the company you keep
    in the empty moments.