I am not a perfect mother.
I make mistakes.
I get mad.
I stomp around the house.
I am crabby (sometimes).
But still people put me on a pedestal.
They think that since I have "made the ultimate sacrifice" in letting my babies go, I am somehow above other mothers, that I have attained perfection.
This is not true.
Just because I have lost does not make me a perfect mother.
It makes me a different kind of mother.
It makes me a mother who knows that just because a child has a perfect check-up each year does not mean everything is going to be fine.
It makes me a mother who, even while I am upset, knows that someday I might wish I could get another night of interrupted sleep.
It makes me a mother who is scared of a 101-degree fever.
It makes me a mother who has to learn to trust, all over again.
Has losing our sweet babies changed the way we parent? Yes. Has it made us better parents? In some ways, yes. It is not a journey we would have chosen for ourselves, but it is a journey we must take. So please, don't put grieving parents on a pedestal. Don't hold us up as ideal parents because we have lost. Trust me, it is another burden we don't need to bear. We have enough already.
Audra,
ReplyDeleteThis post will help a lot of people know a little better how to be a good friend to Moms who have lost their children! I know that many people tend to shy away, for fear of offending, or fear of bringing up memories that will "hurt" all over again..... But, you are really helping to inform those of us who really can't "undertand" (all the way) what you have gone through, in how we can help, instead of hurt!!! You are making a difference! Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much. I hope I can be a help to people, that our story will encourage others going through the same thing, or that friends and family will know how to help. Blessings to you and your family!
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