There are days when I am consumed with thoughts of what I had and lost, but yesterday was not one of those days.
Instead, I was consumed with thoughts of what I had. I was content with my little family here on earth. At the end of the day I realized that I had not thought about Avery. I did not forget him, because he is always in my heart, but I never once said, "Man, I sure wish Avery were here."
At first, this made me sad, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was good.
John needs a wife who is not so consumed with the past that she cannot live in the future.
Henry needs a mommy who is fully there for him, tuned to his needs and able to give the love he needs to grow.
Avery needs me to be a wife and mommy, so I can help us all get safely to Heaven to see him again. He needs me to pour all the love and attention that would have gone to him onto Henry.
I need me, too. It's not healthy for me to sit around all day and pine for what I don't have. There are going to be days when I do just that, and it's ok. But to live my life in misery and pain will never help me move on, will never help me accept my new reality.
Yesterday was a good day. Today is a good day. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day, too.